I am hypersensitive and cannot fully rest or be at peace. I realized this just now after I woke up from a 30-minute morning nap.
Some context? My dad has dementia, and I’ve been his primary caregiver for 4 years now. This morning, around 6am, my brother and mother took him to the hospital for some tests. This means that I had to be up an hour earlier to get him prepared.
Well, guess who woke up to a thud at 4:55 am?
Me. And the thud was my dad falling down from his bed – which he has decided was the couch for over a month now.
I’m not even sure how I heard (Thank God I did). I rushed to his side and helped him up, making a mental note to not wrap his duvet around him as I did tightly the night before. He was trying to get out of it and rolled too much to the side, then fell.
A few days ago, I also made a mental note to not give him so much food at night because he vomited overnight, and I discovered it at a random hour while doing some office work at home.
I’ve also made a mental note to:
- Check on him frequently during the day, making sure he has cold water always because he would rather go thirsty than drink room temp water]
- Be aware of his movements because he might need something and because his voice is so low, I would never hear him speak if I was not alert
- Be alert to his footstep at any time of the day or night because that could mean many things, ranging from;
- he is awake, thus I need to get him prepped for a bath which could take a convincing session that could last between 5 minutes to 2 or more hour… or just me giving up and making his breakfast for him ,
- he is bored and wants to take a stroll, so I have to follow him or convince him to stay at home because I’m busy with work,
- he is about to go to bed at 4pm, so I have to say “Daddy, we are still in the afternoon, just lie down in the parlor for a while longer,
- it’s 3am and he’s probably sleepwalking do I just have to check to confirm…
Now, it happens in my sleep. And that is why when I woke up from my 30-minute morning nap which I tried to have after he left for the hospital, my thought was, “I am hypersensitive and cannot fully rest or be at peace.”
While I was napping and while he was on his way to the hospital, I heard his footsteps. I was about to stand up but realized that he’s not at home. I heard his tiny voice and was about to respond, but, yikes, he was not there. I thought about prepping his bath too, but I already did that, right? I thought about getting up from my bed just to see what he was up to, but… he’s not in the house…
Olamide. Calm down.
Then I could take it anymore. So, I stood up and decided to write this article starting with this sentence, “I am hypersensitive and cannot fully rest or be at peace”.
This is not a complaint. I just wanted to talk because not doing so means my head will be flooded by that thought all day.