#24 – Should I dwell or move on?

Whenever I am close to a deadline, my first instinct is to put in 100% effort. Sometimes, as the deadline becomes closer, it hits me that I can’t complete whatever it is that I was working on. I then create a new deadline in my head and work with 100% concentration towards that. But, what about the other things I have to do? It means that I have inevitably pushed all those things forward, creating an almost-certain situation of missing multiple future deadlines.

What’s the right move to make, in that case? Of course, I need to plan better and ensure that a close due date is not my motivation. But what if I fall into such occurrence still? Yesterday, I realised that the right move is to forge ahead with other tasks. As I spend some amount of time on my new tasks, I can dedicate a few moments in between to work on the late task. If someone else is involved, I’ll simply need to tell them beforehand that I need some extra time. Life is this simple.

It’s like being young and not being allowed to be a child. This time, though, the deadline was brought forward by times and life.

You’re suddenly flung into a new world where you understand dirty jokes because of what you’ve heard adults around you say and what you’ve seen them do. Even when you really don’t understand, the adults think you are pretending and mock you for it. You don’t want to understand them, anyway. You desperately want to be a child. But it’s already too late.

You unexpectedly find yourself in a world where, as a pre-teen, you are aware of your existence. A weirdo who does not matter and who can’t do anything about it. Your breasts are becoming perky, but you have no choice but to go out like that because your parents have not bought you a bra. So, you hunch your back and become aware of stares. Going on errands, talking to people… being seen becomes the bane of your existence.

You comprehend that you’re expected to be responsible and make decisions. Wow. 12 years later, you think about how you still feel the effects of what you said in your parlour to wicked gazing adults. “I just want to be a child who has peace”. It did not seem like much then. Peace came alright… at the cost of your eyes sweating for eternity. Funny how you still want to be a child who has peace even after 12 years.

As an adult teenager, you perceive that something is wrong. Other people are not like this. You begin to scramble to enjoy being a child. But it’s too late because you’ve reached the official age of adulthood; 18. The deadline for childhood has passed. You need to move on to be the adult you are. But your nature does not allow you. So, you grasp for what could have been and miss out entirely on what is and what will be.

My advice is that you do not dwell. Move on. However, while being an adult, take breaks and do all the childlike things you want to do. One of them is writing your deepest thoughts like this. I’m proud of you.

These are 500 words (or more ?… If you ever read this post, don’t talk to me about it)! Talk to you tomorrow!

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