Sup,
Some side note:
I will start some serious writing on topics like accessibility, inequality, linguistics, societal issues, etc mid-May. Right now, I’m preparing for my exams, and would like to use this space just to cool off. Writing on those topics would require a lot of reading that I can’t, realistically, commit to at the moment.
Today’s article:
Very few other things suffocate me more than restrictions. By all means, I want to be free, have multiple options, and be able to change at any point. You get the gist.
This knowledge about myself just hit me recently. I noticed that it is true across virtually all aspects of my life. For example, when I am about to do an assignment, I never consult less than 5 articles (this may even be understating things). I never do because I believe people have different perspectives on an issue. Thus, I want to know as much as I can, understand how each study’s view align or conflict, and create my own well-informed judgement. This would mean having a number of tabs open on my browser. Sometimes, it creates a clutter that I can’t handle. So, I stop opening new tabs and read through the already opened ones to decide if I will use the papers or not.
Notice three things here: my need for many options, the clutter it creates, and my not being able to handle clutter.
Another instance is when I want to pick a movie to watch. This is a typically long process. I read reviews, consider ratings, ready storylines, survey the casts, and even gauge cover arts. After a long search, I could end up picking something I like. Sometimes, though, I get overloaded and decide to “just pick one and watch”. If I don’t enjoy it, I stop and try another… till I find the one I want.
See a pattern? My need for many options, the clutter it creates, and my not being able to handle clutter.
Obviously, I need to work on this habit. I realised this today while I was curating a folder/list of resources that I will be consulting throughout my dopamine detox era. I’ve not told you about this yet… you’ll learn more in one of my subsequent articles. The folder/list contains tweets on research, design, and life that I had bookmarked over the course of a few months and some YouTube videos on the same (I had downloaded those on my YT mobile app).
Do you know what I realised? A sizable number of tweets I had bookmarked were from the same people! This was also the case for the YouTube videos. Can you just imagine? It was not done on purpose at all.
What does this mean? It obviously means that my subconscious knows exactly what it wants. However, my conscious habit of wanting many options overshadows it when I am aware of my needs and actions. In turn, I go all in my quest to get what I HAVE to be sure is what I need. My natural inclination to be organised and specific soon takes over as an information overload happens in my brain. So, to calm down, I “just pick one”.
So far, the only place I have been able to somewhat master this need for many options is in sourcing academic materials. Although too many articles create clutter, I am able to conveniently skim through them, sort, and select the ones I need. So, it’s never really much of a problem. Now that I think of it, this also happens with physical clutter. I only need to survey and sort to take care of clutter. I’m very keen on figuring out the connection between both of these.
In the meantime, I understand that while it is totally fine to want many options, it can’t and shouldn’t always apply to all situations. I should be open to selecting the “first option among many” as well as being satisfied with an “only option”. I shouldn’t always seek an optimal candidate, but could try to make the best out of what is available. In addition, I can’t always be free to do what I want. So, rather than feel restricted, I could think of how rules beget order. Finally, I can’t always have the opportunity to change. Thus, rather than feel constricted, I could enjoy the beauty of time passing, with the future prospects of looking fondly at those moments as experiences that allowed me to grow.
From now, I want to deliberately choose the first option or only option I find and see it through till the end, even if I want to change it. I will start with a movie.
These are 500 words (or more ?)! Talk to you tomorrow!