This week, I made a decision out of greed. It has been difficult for me to come to terms with this and call it exactly what it is. But, there is no point in deceiving myself. I have been feeling so bad and resolved yesterday that I would make things right by reversing my decision. Immediately after that, I felt a weight lifted off my shoulder. I was finally free.
Aside:
I pride myself on having contentment. When considering acquiring or accepting material things, I question myself deeply on whether it is a need or merely a want. For the former, I weigh my ability to live without it till I can afford it. The question of being indebted to someone is also there. From watching YT videos and reading articles, I understand that not wanting help maybe prideful. I am still maneuvering this because I do not fully understand the concept of asking for and receiving help, especially financial assistance. At what point is it right or wrong?
In any case, I feel small when people help me. I feel like I am a burden to the helper. Receiving any form of assistance makes me feel eternally indebted, and I simply would never be able to get over it till I reciprocate. Instinctively, I know that this is wrong. The crazy thing is that when I help other people, I almost desperately want them to understand that there are no strings attached, and they do not have to pay back in any way. Yes, I know that I still have a lot to learn. I am learning by observing others and consulting resources. To be honest, it has been pretty hard.
The interesting thing I learned about greed is that it comes with a strong justification. You become convinced that you are doing the absolute right thing, and ignore all voices of reasoning. My greed/lack-of-contentment episode made me question my principle of contentment. Am I really who I say I am? Or am I just pretending so that people will think/speak highly of me? This jeered me. Even now, I am still unsure. So, I decided to do some research on why people make poor decisions. From Harvard Business Review, Frank Sonnenberg Online, and Rich Habits, I narrowed down the following reasons for poor decisions:
- Stress. A study by Wemm and Wulfert (2017) shows that people who are exposed to social stressors are more likely to make less advantageous decisions. This is because their stress level makes them unable to fully consider all the possible consequences of their decisions. This happens to many of us in different circumstances. Because of our daily activities, many of us get to the middle of the day stressed out. For example, I live in Lagos, Nigeria where there is a lot of traffic. So, whenever I, unfortunately, have to travel to a place an hour or more away, I expect to spend no less than 2 hours. Coupled with slow traffic, there is also the case of the busy, loud Lagos life. Inevitably, one gets to their destination feeling very irritable. Unless I give myself some time to breathe and relax, I know that I am a risk of considering things with an unsettled mind. Give yourself time to unwind after a mentally or physically strenuous activity. If it is impossible, defer all important decisions till you have had time to rest.
- Distraction. This is when you need to be focused on one thing, but something randomly pops up. It goes hand-in-hand with multi-tasking. In my opinion, it is pretty difficult to focus on more than one task at a time. Imagine trying to study while planning your activities for the next week. Sound like a recipe for not getting quality results for either task. I saw a video once about how you can get someone to hold a number of items while they are engrossed in a conversation. They eventually notice, but not after collecting over 5 random items without asking any questions. Imagine if one item was a snake! I usually have an average of 6 hours of lectures and preparing for classes twice per week (this semester is so much better compared to the last). On those days, anything interrupting my flow of academic thought in those 6 hours is largely unwelcome, as they put more on my table than I am mentally prepared to handle. So, I don’t entertain them till I get home and rest for about an hour. Eliminating distractions allows for an unobstructed flow of thought, which could lead to making better decisions.
- Impulsiveness. Taking risks is fine. However, I argue that it should be a carefully thought out, calculated risk. Else, you may lose something irreplaceable. Impulsive decisions leave us at the mercy of probability. Things could work in your favour or not. A non-impulsive decision does not have to be ruminated for days or hours. You could invest a few minutes to really consider what your decisions will mean for you and others around you. This way, you are less likely to make decisions that, on second thought, you desperately wish you hadn’t made.
- Emotions. Someone said that you should not make an important decision when you are at the peak of any emotion. I agree. Embarrassment could make you defensive. Happiness could make you overgenerous. Being furious could make you irrational. Research shows that “emotions constitute potent, pervasive, predictable, sometimes harmful and sometimes beneficial drivers of decision making”. Imagine already creating a budget for the week. But, because of the delirious happiness that comes with being paid, you decide that you need some reward and buy yourself a meal worth half your whole earning. Funny thing is that the clarity would come WHILE you are eating. The way to maneuver peak emotions is to the effect of a decision on your nearer and farthest future. Our choices literally shape the outcome of our lives. So, why hurt yourself?
- Hunger. This goes hand-in-hand with emotions. Being hangry not only inhibits your decision-making skills, it generally hinders your ability to think straight. Eat, and eat healthily.
- Information overload. I used to do this thing where I would want to make sure that I am doing the right thing. So, I consult materials upon materials till there are just too many, and I unlock new levels of confusion. When I think back to those moments, I shake my head at the unnecessary mental merry-go-round I put myself through. After getting tired of myself about this, I created a new method for consulting resources: source for materials, select a few (no more than 5 at once), skim through each to determine their relevance, immediately cancel any irrelevant ones, settle for 3 resources and don’t see more until you exhaust those. Of the 3 resources, I engage only one at a time. In some cases that I find over 3 relevant resources, I archive them to consult later. This strategy creates a more controlled mental environment, one that could aid in making better decisions. Also, remember that you simply cannot know it all or achieve any form of perfection. So, don’t hold yourself up to unachievable standards.
- Lack of knowledge. I think it is a no-brainer that you can’t make use of the knowledge that you do not have. When I started designing, I used to align my elements with a ruler. Yes, a physical ruler that I would place on my screen. This wasted a significant amount of my time and causes me some frustration. As I began to learn about the tools I was using (Figma and Adobe XD), I discovered the inbuilt tools for alignment. I still look back at those moments and laugh. The truth is that if I did not seek knowledge about those tools, I may still be the ruler girl. The Bible says, “seek, and you shall find”. This is your cue to unlock your curiosity about things that you do not know. Nevertheless, I should advise that it’s fine to learn through making decisions out of ignorance. What makes it worthwhile is if you put your new found knowledge to use next time.
Now you know why you could have made a poor decision that has been bothering you. You are also aware of how not to fall for them again. Your poor decisions do not define you because they are only one aspect of your life that can be reevaluated and corrected. If uncorrectable, you have the opportunity to make many more good decisions, so don’t beat upyourself too much. Keep growing.
This article was especially hard to write because it involved me looking at an “ugly” side of myself that I do not usually probe. Next week, I will talk about what to do about poor decisions and on Monday, I will talk about steps to making good decisions.
This is 500 words (or more ?)! Talk to you tomorrow!