#58 – Diamond Birthday and Parenting

I woke up this morning with one thought in my head: it’s my dad’s 60th birthday! One reason for this is that I already felt bad for not going home to celebrate with him. So, I planned to call early in the morning of May 4 to wish him a happy birthday.

So, that’s what I did. I called my sister’s phone rather than my dad’s (it had become a habit ever since she came back home). When she picked up, I, while doing a wiggly dance, said,

“Give the phone to my daaaaaadddd.”

So, she did.

Immediately he collected it, I started singing the Korean version of “happy birthday” that I had heard from k-dramas. As I butchered “happy birthday” in Korean, my sister said,

“His birthday is on the 8th.”

My dad followed this up with,

“That’s on Sunday.”

Bruh, I burst out laughing like crazy. The thing is that every single year, I get confused about whether his birthday is on the 4th or the 8th. This year, however, there was no such thought. I was 100% certain that it was on the 4th. Sigh.

I am pretty bad at remembering people’s birthdays, including mine. This is why I developed a habit of saving my friends’ birthdays on my Google calendar. I guess I’ll have to add my dad’s too.

I was happy to hear him laugh, though. It also seems like I’ll need to go home on Sunday because I sort of promised that ?

To assure you and me, forgetting people’s birthdays does not mean you do not care about them. The effort you put into not making the same mistake next time is what truly counts.

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I may be the most unqualified person to talk about parenting. For one, I am not a parent. Second, my last memory of being parented was probably when I was 12 or 13. We may talk about this soon.

Anyway, now that I want to talk about parenting, I’ll come from the perspective of what I’ve learnt from my parents and who I want to be as a parent (of about 9 children ?)

Two great lessons I learnt from my dad are contentment and being economical.

For the first, I probably just observed him and assimilated to that mentality. It’s paid off because I am totally satisfied with what I have. I don’t have “ojukokoro” ? (covetousness)… most of the time. I am neither attracted nor do I compare myself to people who are economically above me (i.e., solely attracted to them because of money). This does not stop me from being ambitious. My ambition is primarily driven by my own desire to achieve success, not by what I see outside.

The second lesson is one on being economical. This I learnt after he told me how to manage. We did not have so much growing up, so it is clear why this skill was needed. I particularly remember stories about how he used to fend for himself in school. He saw himself through school, and, as I understand now, that means being very wise with one’s expenses. For instance, you really can’t just spend all your money on an expensive meal JUST because you deserve it. Granted, you do. But, you also deserve to be fed well for the rest of the week. The point is to spend your money wisely. Also take note of your top priorities and attend to them first before other things (that can wait if you really think about it).

I just remembered a third lesson for my dad, and it’s to always have skills that can bring you money. In particular, have computer related skills. This was not directly from him, I just observed and assimilated. He was (is) a data scientist and taught us (my siblings and I) how to use the computer.

From my mom, I’ve learnt to greet people. This is a skill needed in a place like Nigeria that is originally communal. Everyone wants to be acknowledged by you, even if they don’t explicitly say it. So, say hi or “good afternoon, sir/ma” to someone the next time you’re walking on the road. I have to confess that I don’t do this as often, though. Some people are conceited and would deliberately ignore your countless greetings just because they want to. Anytime I sense such an attitude, I immediately stop greeting to maintain some dignity for myself.

The second lesson I’ve learnt from her is to leave when things are just too tough. It’s simply self-preservation.

Now, who do I want to be as a parent? I have a list of activities I want to do with my family. I’m planning ahead, people! So, I’ll recant, from my head, the kind of parent I want to be and add it to my list called “My home”. To be clear (although I am not sure why I am compelling myself to do this), building a family is only one of my many goals in life. LOL, why do I feel like I have to “prove” something? Anyway, let’s move on…

  1. I want to be kind to my children. I want them to learn kindness from me. The world desperately needs kind people. I also think every human deserves to know how it feels like to be kind-hearted.
  2. I hope to train my children to be innovative problem solvers, freethinkers, and people who respect others regardless of a difference in choices/orientations.
  3. As a parent, I want to be unbiased in my judgement, especially as it concerns siblings. One sibling shouldn’t have to feel envious or compare themselves to others.
  4. I want to show my children so much love, they never have to wonder what love it. They just know. They love themselves and they love others.
  5. I discovered, from observation, that children who grow up in loving homes often have so much confidence. Guess whose children will have complete confidence? Mine.
  6. I hope to be able to teach my children about taking responsibility.
  7.   Also, I want to be a parent who instils money making and sustaining skills into her children. This includes earning money, saving, investing, and building profitable ventures. For me to be able to teach them, I have to have practised them myself. Thus, this is a charge to Lami to continue to work hard and smart. You’ll get there.
  8. No entitlement mentality for my babies. Period.
  9. My pikin also gotta learn to be respectful while being firm.
  10. As a Christian, I hope to practice Christian values and have my children learn by examples that I set.

There may be a few more things to say, but I’ll stop here. In my opinion, parenting is one of the most important jobs in the world. You are literally raising the next generation of humans who will raise the next, who will raise the next, and so on. The ideologies you pass on to them could be sustained for centuries. They could build up or destroy nations. So, as a parent, I believe that it is my responsibility to ensure that the world has a new group of people who are all about positive impacts. Charity begins at home.

Let me know what you think and if you have some advice.

These are 500 words (or more ?)! Talk to you tomorrow!

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